My neurodiverse parenting journey began over 10 years ago in the midst of a mental health crisis. “Have you heard of Autism?” , the psychiatrist asked. With those words, I found myself navigating a new and unfamiliar map. It was the first of many labels; the first of a new vocabulary; the start of a new journey.
I am grateful for everything I have discovered about neurodiversity on this journey, and for the gifts I have received along the way. It has opened doors into well-being, increased my self-awareness and led to personal growth. It has revealed new passions and brought me joyful connection with my children. It has made me more compassionate and less judgemental.
It has also been really challenging!
Battles & Burnout
Mental health crises, the legalities and painstaking processes around special educational needs provision, and the battle to access services; these were all features of my journey. Driven to help my neurodivergent children at any cost, I went into an adrenaline fuelled warrior mode. I was certain that if I just filled in another form, made another phone call, fought my way into another service, that eventually I would reach someone with the answers. We would be ok. Someone, somewhere held the answers. I just had to find them.
Sound familiar?
However, I soon discovered that there was no such thing as a magic wand out there. I wanted to believe that someone out there, some professional, some service, held the answers. I was willing to put my faith in mental health professionals, autism specialists and teachers. The truth was that most of these had no lived experience of what we were going through. They were not neurodivergent. They were not parenting autistic children.
My anxiety had rocketed. I felt numb. I was exhausted. My GP said I was depressed. I had lost myself. I had been consumed by the battle to find the support and resources that I believed could help my neurodiverse family better than I could. I reached rock bottom.
Discovery & Recovery
I began to realise that all the noise – the conflicting advice, societal expectations, my own internalised fears, outdated parenting models, old fashioned educational traditions, and general modern day busyness – were distracting me from my own inner wisdom which told me what my neurodiverse family needed.
I knew I had to find new ways if I was to recover my health and well-being so that I could be the parent my children needed. Still looking for the magic that would help them, I came across the work of Dr Stephen Porges and his Polyvagal Theory. It was like finding the map I needed to get back to myself.
It led me on a journey to discover what I needed to recover from burnout. I studied the nervous system, defence modes, and trauma. I found practices which shifted me from a survival state into a state where rediscovery of myself and reconnection to my ‘inner knowing’ was possible. I began balance my energy, to feel alive again, and to learn to stay well. I began to become the person my neurodiverse family needed.
And my understanding of the nervous system helped me reframe the challenges my neurodivergent children were experiencing. I began to see new ways in which I could help them too. It shifted my priorities and shaped the way we moved forwards. Slowly the anxiety, which had rippled through my family like falling dominos, began to reverse.
New Beginnings
When our local mental health worker was withdrawn due to funding cuts. I stepped up to run the parent support group. Every parent who comes to the group is amazing and doing their very best for their children in challenging circumstances. They needed and deserved support, so I I trained up on the legal system for Special Educational Needs & Disabilities with IPSEA and started to work with families on an individual basis to navigate this frustrating maize.
But I knew I wanted to go deeper. I felt driven to help parents reconnect with themselves and their own inner wisdom; to recover using the somatic and mindful practices which helped me on my journey, to discover new ways of being. I wanted to help parents create real and sustained change.
What started as a personal journey for recovery and my family’s healing has become a passion for coaching others who are struggling in their neurodiverse family. The power of coaching to create change is so exciting and I can’t wait to share it with you!
My coaching expertise, nervous system knowledge AND lived experience combines to gives me the tools to help neurodiverse families explore and discover their unique flow, so that they and their loved ones can revive and flourish. It is privileged and beautiful work to journey alongside clients as they navigate their own path in this varied and colourful neurodiverse world.
Heather Parks
Coaching Connection
☎️ +44 (0)7881 965909
© Heather Parks 2021